Friday, March 7, 2014

Wrap Your Arm in Bacon...

My husband and I went to Lowe's today. We'd just gotten into the checkout line when he remembered he wanted to get a key copied. While he did that, I was naturally drawn to the bookstand a few feet away from the checkout line.

Refinishing Your Bathroom didn't hold much attraction for me, but I picked up Complete Guide to Survival. I'm pro-survival. I opened the book at random to a page on what to do if a bot fly larvae embeds yourself in your arm. The book said that you should wrap several strips of uncooked bacon around your arm and leave them there for three days. During that time, the larva would leave your arm and nestle into the decaying bacon instead, and you'd be scot free.

Dude. You know I'm not making that up, because who could? But seriously. Any bot larva infestations I deal with in the future will involve a quick jab of lidocaine, a scapel, and a tweezers. Also a bottle of wine. I may live in East Tennessee, but I am no where near redneck enough to spend three days with raw bacon wrapped around my arm.