Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Like Ball Girls At Wimbledon

So, picture this: an open town-hall type meeting at this winter's USEA (United States Eventing Association, my tiny fabulous sport) convention. Moderated by Jimmy Wofford, Olympic-rider-turned-legend. Maybe 300 people in the room, including the president of the USEA, the president of the United States Equestrian Federation (the national governing body for all horse sports), the president of the United States Pony Clubs, and a lot of other bigwigs. And me, sitting at the back.

Imagine that someone--I forget who--begins the familiar rant, kids these days. It starts innocuously enough, how do we interest young riders in eventing and thus insure the future of our sport? but quickly falls into kids these days. How they're too busy with other activities. How they don't learn horse management skills. How they all ride ridiculously expensive horses and don't learn anything and never, ever, volunteer. It actually became a full-scale rant involving all those presidents and other big names, about kids I didn't recognize, and the longer it went on, the more annoyed I got, and I stood up at the back of the room.

I stood until the legendary moderator invited me to speak. And I can't remember exactly what came out of my mouth, because I was annoyed and also because 300 people in the room, many of whom I honesty revere, but I told them about my pony club. About how I'd become by default the leader of a small, very inexperienced club that had been fractured by outside issues (mostly squabbles among parents). Actually I do remember what I said at that point. I said, "I inherited a club of six kids, none of them higher than a D3 (that meant something to my audience) and the most expensive horse any of them have is my daughter's, who cost-- (and I said out loud what the horse cost, which I won't repeat as it's private, or at least was until I told all the eventers, but trust me, it was a very low amount to the audience at hand--also, I wasn't being entirely truthful, as in the heat of the moment I'd forgotten about one member whose horse probably did cost more, though I don't know how much as that was private too)--anyway, I went on to say, what I did was throw those six kids together for 3 days on my farm, and what emerged was a team. I said that two and a half years later I had 13 members, including 3 C2s and an HB (again, this had meaning to those in the room, and it's pretty damned impressive, too), and that last year I took an eventing team to Midsouth that finished first in Horse Management (whupping Keeneland!), and that also these same kids were badgering me to find them volunteer opportunities because they wanted to be useful. I said that kids these days didn't need expensive horses, they needed community, and that my club was nothing like the kids everyone else was complaining about, and that if we want to insure the future of eventing what we need to do was create relationships and community.

And I sat down. My hands were shaking a little, because it was a pretty big impromptu rant, and I wasn't exactly sure if anyone cared. But before I could lean back into my seat, a woman was pressing her card into my hand. She told me she was in charge of the volunteers for dressage at Rolex, and if I wanted to bring my kids she'd give them jobs. And I gasped.

It's hard to explain how cool this is. The best comparison I've been able to come up with is that it's like being  the ball boys or ball girls at Wimbledon--the kids who dart across the court to pick up stray tennis balls, then stand statue-still in the corner. It's a chance to be very close to a very big stage. Rolex is eventing's U.S. Open, it's a huge deal for us.

When I left the meeting, I phoned my daughter and said, "We've been offered a chance to work dressage at Rolex." "Um, YES," she said. "Yes, yes, YES." Then I put it up on the club Facebook, since I couldn't access my group email from the meeting, and the girls went wild.

Of our 13 members at that time (we have 16 now) 1 is in college taking finals, 1 has quit riding, and 2 are flaming furious that school obligations prevent them from coming. The other 9 are taking two days off school, driving 5 hours each way, wearing regulation khaki pants, white polos, plain belts and polished paddock boots, and doing this:









And then on Saturday we'll get to watch this:

 


Six kinds of awesome, baby. Nobody deserves it more than my kids.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I Knew April Was Going to Be a Doozy

This morning, after my daughter left for school, my husband was checking a few things on the computer, so I lay down on the couch with my iPad to play Candy Crush check out important current events. It was pretty snug and comfortable, with a dog snuggled up against me, and I was quite tired from being up too late both the previous nights (once because I was flying in late, and once because my husband was.) I've been experimenting with meditation, but it keeps making me fall asleep; sure enough, soon after my husband left for work, I fell into a sound and dream-filled slumber.

I woke to discover that my phone had broken. Because right on the screen it said, 12:24 pm. As in, you've been asleep for nearly five hours.

I'm all for the restorative nap, but that was ridiculous. Still, after some internal debate, I decided not to feel guilty. April has been a humdinger of a month.

1. Varsity tennis. Every weeknight with the occasional weekend or full day thrown in, and the great big tourny in Murfreesboro which is nearly Nashville, which is five hours away, and which involved more hours of tennis than I thought could be crammed into a single day.

2. Easter. Not a time-consuming holiday but we did fly down to Florida to visit my in-laws. We had a lovely time.

3. Rolex. This is our next great adventure. If you're not a horseperson, "Rolex" is properly the Kentucky Rolex Three-Day Event, the biggest eventing competition in North America, the cream of the crop, baby. Riding at Rolex once is a lifetime achievement. Spectating is a bucket-list item. And, because I am constitutionally unable to keep my mouth shut, the members of Holston Pony Club are having an adventure at Rolex this year. I think I'll save that story for tomorrow's post.

Meanwhile, tomorrow looks like this: Take dogs to kennel, run errands, work a full shift at Faith in Action, do barn chores, watch my daughter's big tennis match against arch-rival Science Hill, then--I'm guessing it'll be around 8 pm--head to Lexington, Kentucky, five hours away. Then on Thursday, wake up at the latest at 6 am.

Looks like the nap might have been a good idea.

Monday, April 21, 2014

The Weird Thing Is That It Happened On the Last Day of Lent

I don't know about you, but I find Lent sort of tough to get my brain around. Advent is easy. Advent is waiting for a baby; I did that, twice, with my own pregnancies. I am hardwired to understand the preparation, the anticipation, the joyous culmination of a special period of time.

Redemption and resurrection are tougher. When I was a kid, "giving up" something was what everyone did. Every single student at my Catholic middle school gave up something for Lent--chocolate was always popular, but I was more likely to pick popcorn, because my Mom made fabulous popcorn for nighttime snacks--and everyone in my group of friends knew what every other person gave up, so that when our parish nuns invited all the middle school girls to the convent for a short sales pitch on the joys of the sisterhood, and served popcorn, all of my friends looked at me, laughed, and spent the rest of the hour dangling popcorn in front of my face. (It wasn't much temptation; my mother's popcorn was far better than the nuns'.)

Anyway, I understand, metaphorically, why it's good to give something up for Lent, and I understand, too, why it can be physically a good thing. I took a break (gave up) video games this year, because sometimes when my family was talking to me I was playing a game instead of listening, and that's a bad habit. Lent, however, is about drawing closer to God, not about fixing bad habits.

For me, the surprising key to the whole thing was that place at the table. Not the blog post I intended to write, which, to be honest, was probably more intellectual. The one I did write, after I suddenly recalled being at my friend's house and seeing that place set, remembering how welcome I'd felt, how loved. If you can imagine that feeling only a hundred times more, a million times more, that's God welcoming us to God's table.

All of us.

Every one.

Despite our frailties, our insecurities, our lack of empathy, kindness, and compassion. Whether we voted Republican or Democrat or didn't vote at all. Fat or thin. Short or tall. Despite our persistent crankiness, our neediness, our outsized egos, or what have you. No matter where we stand on abortion. Our whole imperfect selves.

Every single one.

I can't tell you how strange this seems to me, to remember that happy joyous feeling from 33 years ago and, now, think, that's how welcome you are, you, yourself, at the table of the Word.

Every single day.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

A Place for All At the Table


Today is Holy Thursday, the day we commemorate the Last Supper Jesus ate with his disciples. The day he took bread, broke it, and said, “this is my body, given up for you.” The day he got down on his knees to wash his disciples’ feet.

It brings me to tears; some of happiness, some of frustration. Here is our God, the Word Incarnate, stripping off dusty sandals, bathing and anointing callused feet. I had my feet washed once, at a retreat when I was in high school. The intimacy of it caught me my surprise. I felt wholly joined to my church and to God at that moment; the frustration I feel now is for people I love who don’t feel that way, who think there is no place for them at the Lord’s table.

My daughter is preparing to receive the Catholic sacrament of Confirmation this May. It’s the final sacrament of initiation, the point where a person is considered adult enough to make an informed choice about his or her beliefs, to say, Yes, I am part of this Church.

One of my daughter’s friends, one of my friend’s children, has decided not to be confirmed at this time. Because I know my friend and her child, I know that this is not a product of laziness, sluggish faith, or rebellion: it’s a thoughtful act, one I wholly respect. But my church—and here I speak of my specific church, the one I attend on Sundays, not the global church—doesn’t see it that way. They’ve been giving my friend small scolds and nudges about how Good Parents would make sure (force? Surely they don’t mean that) their children to be confirmed, while not once asking the nearly-grown child why?

Why don’t you want this right now? What holds you away, not from God—because nothing can keep you from the love of God—but from this human institution trying to worship God? What have we done to make you feel that there isn’t a place here for you?

When I was in sixth grade I changed schools and made a new best friend. (That she’s still a good friend is one of my heart’s joys.) I had been lonely in my former school, and I was so glad to have this friend who felt so much like me. One Saturday morning I went over to her house. After awhile the most delicious smells started coming from the kitchen. We got up and went to the kitchen.  “Mom,” my friend said, “can Kim stay for lunch?”

Her mom smiled and nodded toward the table. A place had already been set for me.

I’ve never forgotten that moment, how loved and welcome I felt, how much that very small thing meant to me. It still means so much to me. It changed how I parent; it made me try to always welcome my children’s friends, to set them places at our table.

It taught me once and for always how we ought to be to each other. Come, your place is already here. I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s going to be in Heaven, and I live for the day it’s true on earth as well.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

In Which I Want to Go Back to Haiti

Je veux retourner a Haiti.

I want to go back to Haiti.

I've never been there.

It's complicated.

My dear friend Sarah, sister of my heart, lived in Haiti for several years, long enough, she said, to realize she could do it, really do it. Life there is not like here. The electricity goes on, or off, mostly off, at random and uncontrollably. Transportation is challenging. They have no postal service. None. If I wanted to send something to Sarah while she was there, either a letter or a package, I sent it to an address in Florida linked to a private delivery service set up for missionaries. (Sarah is both a nun and a priest in the Episcopal church.) When the letter or package reached Haiti, someone (I never was exactly sure how this worked) let Sarah know, and Sarah went to the airport to get it.

Haiti, Sarah says, is beautiful. Mountains, ocean, colorful buildings. It's complicated, too. Tent cities still. The rubble from the earthquake slowly being cleared away. A large part of the economy is underground, people selling things on the street. Only 10% of Haitian children attend school. Supposedly the government gives free education, but the reality is that there aren't very many schools.

International aid pours into Haiti, but sometimes makes things worse instead of better. After the earthquake, well-meaning organizations flooded Haiti with free rice. This meant no one bought rice from the rice farmers, who were left destitute. Before the earthquake, Port-au-Prince had a large, well-equipped hospital. Immediately after the earthquake they used all the supplies they had, treating victims. Then Doctors Without Borders started offering free health services, and now the large hospital sits empty, closed.

It's complicated.

Several years ago I started paying attention to Haiti. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean. I started thinking I needed to know more about Haiti, so I read more, became more aware of opportunities to learn. I'd read internet blogs at random and they'd end up having a connection to Haiti. When Sarah was sent there I thought, aha, that's why I need to understand Haiti. But now Sarah's back, living in Massachusetts, and I still haven't been to Haiti.

I support two Haitian children through Help One Now, an organization I like very much. HON doesn't do short-term feel-good mission trips, which I despise. They're not interested in poverty tourism. They work through Haitians who are already doing amazing things, and help them continue and grow. For example, a man in Haiti had taken in a few dozen earthquake orphans and was running a tent school in one of the tent cities. HON raised money to build him a brick school. The school was built by Haitians using material bought in Haiti; it now employs 12 Haitian teachers and educates 250 children.

The girls I sponsor, Manese and Sajous, live in Drouin, a place of extreme poverty. Through my sponsorship they attend school where they also get a hot meal, every day. It doesn't sound like much unless it's something you don't have. Sajous would like to become a nurse someday.

Je veux retourner a Haiti.

I want to go back to Haiti.

Monday, April 14, 2014

How To Get Ready to Host Book Club

1. (well in advance) Chose the book.

I love books, so I feel like this one should be easy--I go with something that I really, really love. Unfortunately, I rarely pick something that the rest of my group really, really loves. Some of them still haven't forgiven me for Mansfield Park lo these many years ago (but come on! How can you NOT like Mansfield Park??!!) and they were a little stunned by the heft of Bill Bryson's At Home (592 pages, I just looked it up. But they went by fast.) though most of them enjoyed the first bit, which was all they got to.

This time, though, I've hit it out of the park. I dithered at first, nearly selecting The Ocean At the End of the Lane, but a lot of our club members had already read that one. In the end I chose Code Name Verity. If you haven't read it, please go do so immediately, and come back here when you're finished. Especially if you're a member of my book club. Trust me. This one has spoilers which will make you really sorry you didn't read though lunch today and finish it before our discussion. Also, it's brilliant. Also, it's short. I'm learning.

2. (not as far in advance) Chose the wine.

Self-explanatory, really. A nice chilled easy-drinking white, and a crowd-pleasing red. This isn't the time to get fancy with weird stuff from Argentina. California will do just fine; New Zealand if you're going Sauvingon Blanc.  Which I am.

3. (anytime up to day before) Chose the dessert.

In my club you get Hostess Bonus Points if your dessert collaborates with the book you've chosen. Like Water for Chocolate? Easy. That puppy has recipes right inside it. If you're reading something Southern, sweet potato pie. Bill Bryson's At Home? The obvious choice was sticky toffee pudding. Code Name Verity, however, is set in England during WWII, and though I'm an expert on that era just now (my new book, The War That Saved My Life, has the same setting) it's not a great one for food. In fact, it's lousy.  In CNV they mention bad sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and cups of tea. That's it. I thought of Eton Mess, a super British dessert, but one that does look as though it's been dropped onto the floor, scooped back up, and served, and since my book club wouldn't put my doing that past me I'd better not give them ideas. I flipped through my war-ration cookbooks. Trouble is, sugar-less egg-less fat-free cake is really barely edible during wartime; it's unconscionable in times of peace. Anyway, I'm thinking flourless chocolate torte. I can make it, I like it, and I don't often eat it. That, and some British cheese for nibbles.

4. (day of, because if you start earlier your family will only mess things up again) Clean.

The really excellent thing about hosting book club is that it forces you (me) to do something about the corners. You know, the ones in your (my) house that fill up no matter what you (I) do. The 2-liter bottle of Sprite opened and half-drunk at the pony club party in December, left on the counter for why? The golf balls. The pony tail holders. The knitting projects. The random papers, the Phillips head screwdriver, the tire gauge, brand new in its packaging. Why are these things in my kitchen? It's time to get them out. Ditto all the books in the living room, including that stash I like to think no one's been noticing beneath the coffee table.

One of my friends just squared up the stack of books in her living room, stuck a piece of glass on top, and called it a table. Kid you not. I'd try it except that I don't need that many tables.


Thursday, April 10, 2014

In Which I Learn to Swing My Hips (At Last!)

Dear Betty and Angelica,

Oh, how I wish you could have seen me yesterday! You would have been so proud. You know how you've both been telling me, in a thousand different ways, loudly and at length, that I am not supposed to freeze my body while riding? And how "freeze" is somehow my default position? You know the number of years we've worked on this concept? And remember how this winter in Florida I was FINALLY starting to get it?

Well. You know I've been very carefully rehabbing Sarah's ankle injury since we got home. She's had two more rounds of shockwave therapy. I handwalk her on the concrete driveway three times a week, and we've been working quite lightly under saddle, no hills, only a handful of jumps when I thought her mind would explode if she didn't jump something. I've been spending a lot of time at the walk, especially on that change-directions-through-a-circle exercise, and one of the things I'm concentrating on is keeping my hips moving no matter what else is happening.

For me this is really hard. I'll be swinging right along, and as soon as I add another variable--a turn, say--my mind goes entirely to the turn and my hips freeze. (You know this. I'm preaching to the choir.) So I've been working on that, a lot.

Swing the hips, swing the hips, swing the hips.

Yesterday: we were doing walk/trot transitions, hips swinging, and after awhile I decided not to post. I sat the trot and my hips kept swinging.  All on their own, too, like maybe I've changed the default value a bit. And it was wonderful.

You know I learned to ride in college, at a hunter barn (okay, maybe you don't, but now you do). I don't know where this sitting-frozen thing came from, but I'm guessing it was there from the start. In hunters you're allowed to freeze more. And somehow on those gentle lesson horses I was considered to be quite good at sitting the trot. However, I don't think either of you have ever said so. Also freezing in place works okay if you're sitting the trot hunter style, just trying to keep your heels down, but it's hell during a dressage test when you're also supposed to be doing other things.

Anyway, I wish you could have seen me, or Katie could have, or someone. I was all alone in my jump field except for the neighbors' two marauding goats, and they didn't care. It's not so much I wanted praise. I wanted a witness, someone who could see I was making progress at long last.

Love, Kim